Sometimes tough decisions need to be made. For me, one of them is to choose in which field of science I would like to work, as a future PhD student, or even as my life-long career.

I find this question similar to the quest of meaning of life: “Why you want to devote yourself into this field, not the others?” Before asking that, you may ask yourself “Why I choose an academic career?” or “Why PhD?”. The answers to these questions may not be some rigorous reasoning, like what we see in mathematics, but something like “Because I like it” (Obviously you can not get a PhD position by saying this, you need to show your experience, but here I want to talk about persuading yourself, not others).

I like to call this kind of belief or motivation as cheating yourself. I think we need that. But the problem is: Sometimes it’s hard to really cheat yourself. I used to dream of finding the field of science that was most meaningful and interesting to me. I took many elective courses, went to all kinds of lectures, searched on the Internet, but in the end I still could not make the choice. However, I knew I had to move forward, even though there wasn’t a clear direction. You have to contribute something to this society, and then get the reward.

Maybe following the routine is a good idea to make decisions. We look back into our past and focus on what we already have, and then move towards the direction based on this established road. However, I would rather use my life to continue searching what I really like than pursue something which is unexciting to me. And so far I think I have found the clue. There is one field which gives me a completely different feeling of interest than any other fields I have seen.

To make a long passage short, I just want to give a quick conclusion: I decide to be rationally irrational about which road to choose. I can not persuade myself 100 percent, with evidence and logic. But I’m feeling good about my choice, and I want to take efforts to make it a right choice in the end, also I believe I have the motivation to help me overcome the failures. The rationality makes me move forward and contribute to outer world, while the irrationality gives me inner happiness. The quest of meaning leads me to the path of achieving my meaning of life, hopefully.